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by Ruth (Virginia) My mom (90) has lived with me (50) and my family for 6 months each year for 15 years then a 1 1/2 years ago she moved in for good. She was living alone and and had become so sick I didn't think she would live. What If the children were abused mentally emotionally and physically. I read about people waiting on these old people hand and foot and they need quit doing it unless that person is unable to walk.
I don't even know this angry, frustrated, and burned out woman I see in the mirror. Dear Disgusted, What if the parent did not take care of their children! You don’t know the facts of what people went through.. Many on this board went through hell growing up and now the same parent that wasn’t there for them is now expecting to be served and is ungrateful of the help. I have the most empathy for the elderly people who have lost their dignity and are clearly getting the message they are unwanted. They were never there for their kids when they were growing up and the only place they deserve to be is in a nursing home.
People, get rid of the guilty feelings and quit being a door mat! Maybe some grew up in a house where there was no love, only criticism and hate and maybe they had a parent with a mental issue that wouldn’t get help. We all have to deal with our circumstances and it’s a private decision how we deal with it. I feel horrible about how I feel but the truth is I have buried my mom so many times (several near death experiences) I just don't know how she can keep going.
So when my disease progresses to where I would need ANY kind of help, including with driving, I will stop eating and drinking at once, and that way I will die before I would be a burden. There's a reason that your Mom sits in a chair and has little interest in doing anything... She had a long, slow progressive dementia or Alzheimer's. I am in a wheelchair and have been for 15yrs and always will constantly puts herself first even though I have two children still at home she will only listen to her son. Rather when will health insurance and Medicare start treating Alzheimer's as a brain disease and not a disease of old age.I have been caring for my mom for at least 10 years,not so much her body but running errands taking her to shop or appointments. All this because she made me promise she could live out her days in her own home. Everyday I had to bath her, feed her through a feeding tube.For most of this time I was working full time in a extended care facility. I loved my mom too, but God did create nursing homes for them to stay, he knew that we could not bear the burden of this all by our self.I am a nurse, and my only " support" was a lady that we hired to help us. I hope with all my heart- that you all have received Jesus as Savior- because He is our eternal hope. He'll be returning to work soon and I don't want to take care of her. Interesting one can choose to be a drug addict and get 30 days rehab through medical insurance but there is no coverage for even the slightest assistance i.e. The first 9 years we rented an apartment close by for them as they were mobile. We have 4 children who have grown and moved out- the last s a sophomore in college.
If your Mom is elderly and unhappy, and you feel overwhelmed, your Mom senses your unhappiness. You have a choice as to whether to be a full time care giver or not. If you were not in the picture, there would be another solution to the care giving need. Think of it this way, would you want your child going through this horrendous experience taking care of you? As endless as this may feel- it is passing compared to the eternal bliss that awaits we who believe and trust in Him as LORD and Savior. How do I get my husband to hear me that she should be in elder care while he's at work? My husband and I both are close to retirement and are losing our minds- his brothers offer no help. I know dementia is present-they have no income, only medicare B as they never worked in US prior to becoming citizens. Our kids feel badly but now they avoid coming to see us as the older ones order them around when they do come.my sister lives in the camper next door, but when she comes in it usually sparks a fight between them, and i feel like she hates us. How can someone who can't even get out of a chair, do nothing form themselves, make their own choices? I wanted to thank you and the other commenters for helping me make my mind up. I have always been a giver,kind and compassionate ..a lot of patience .need a break..top of it all I have so many of my own worries I have been dealing with..I could move out I would .then like you the guilt steps in ..I am not financially ok to move out on my own being on a disability pension ...